The Journey

I’m about to bombard you with a little too much detail about myself. I stuck to writing about other people and things throughout the year because i didn’t want to put my narcissistic self to work. But then , It’s the en d of the year already and we are starting a new year in different ways all over  the world, so  I decided to indulge myself a little, crave ya all’s indulgence too and give you a ‘summarised summary’ of how my 2014 went. Thanks for reading. I begin.

2013 ended well, to an extent. I had my first degree and NYSC certificate on ground, I had commenced my MA programme at a renowned University, I had beautiful friends around me, Family stayed  100 and I had a partner in whom I assumed I had gotten ‘the one’ . everything seemed so rosy and I sometimes used to want to pinch myself just to be sure It was real life and these yummy things were really happening to me. Indeed, they were and I was very grateful to my creator and all those who made that possible. The New year came in with promises of beautiful things and I could only hope not to be too overwhelmed by them. Alhamdulilah

January came and I had my birthday as an almost totally fulfilled young lady.What more could I want? The gift of life and its beautiful attachments were enough for me to dance all day, I had friends who were encouraging me and telling me they were indeed proud of how I was living my life. ( sure there were those who had only negative things to insinuate but they don’t really matter so we d keep them that way).   I resumed seond semester in  school  and we were all eager for it to come to an end ( the 6 month ASUU strike had delayed things enough already ).  Things still went well and the only time I shook a little was when a particular course was proving to be too much than i bargained for. ( lol my colleagues understand this ). Alhamdulilah

In February, I was on my way home when my sister called to tell me about an accident that had claimed the lives of a girl we knew, her brother, her brother’s wife and their kid, while coming back from  the girl’s school where she was picked after her final exams. Ah! I could not comprehend this, what would her parents be thinking of?  How would they feel? I cried all the way home and people were just staring at me in the cab. It was a painful period and I still cringe at the thought of it. I kept praying to the lord to grant their parents peace.

Fast forward to March, my ‘used to be awesome’ relationship crumbled and at first it seemed almost impossible.  This totally shook me and I practically went off social media, reason being that facing the world was too difficult. Alas, I came to terms with myself and came back online to deal with the inevitable. The questions came in and i gave them honest answers, oh yh I need to chip in that friends were awesome and they tried so well to make me feel good, I was amazed. It wasn’t as hard as I thought and I dusted my little behind to continue my journey through life as the ever cheerful lady everybody had grown accustomed to.  Alhamdulilah

School work didn’t recognise my ‘relationship issues’ and hence, it hit me straight in the face, reminding me I had so much to do and I would not want to regret that period of my life by drooling for long. It got easier by the day and I added that to my book of many life lessons ( Needless to say that  It is a really bulky book ).  One day, I woke up to the news that a friend had died through an accident.  Again?It was a totally dark day for me, I could only pray to Allah for the repose of her soul. It waa a totally shocking incident but how does one start to question one’s creator who takes and gives lives as he takes.  I could only cry to him to stop these tragic occurrences. Amin amin Amin.

Well, the semester ended and then came the project semester.  I started of lazy and then It came as news to us that we had a deadline, If we intended to convoke the same year. We had barely three months to submit a perfectly done project which should have taken six months or more.  We never hexperredit! Alhamdulilah.  It was so hard to think about because things were not looking encouraging at all as i intended to do a really concise work and not just rush things over. I kept praying to God to make things easier for me as it was obvious I could do nothing without him.

On a particular day, I was talking to my mum over the phone, in tears. I told her I wasn’t sure i could do it and I might have to carry it over to the next year. Mum calmly said ‘No, you will meet the deadline and all the requirements, I know you can do it’. That was all the push I needed.  The enrgy surged from nowhere and then the good lord sent some amazing and intelligent friends my way, to help. This coupled with having an awesome supervisor contributed to me meeting up with the deadline and alhamdulillah, I submitted and defended first!

After crossing this big hurdle, then came the news that we weren’t actually convoking and we still had to wait till the next year. Waaaaaat?  What was all the stress for? It was totally disappointing but our hands were tied as regards this. I just believed that this also had a reason, just as Ive grown to know that god always has a reason for every occurrence in a human’s life.  Days rolled by and the convocation schedule came out for those that would convoke. I really wished we were part of this but all we could do was wish. Yhen a colleague of mine buzzed about a week before the convocation day and said we were really gonna convoke. Yaaaaaaaaaaa, I couldn’t contain my excitement, Alhamdulilah again.

 Convocation came and I was the happiest girl. Lol. I understand what i mean by this. It wasn’t in any way easy but with God they say, seemingly impossible things happen. . Days been running by and this is December.   I still have so much to write but i know the boredom i already getting out of hand. Lol. It only boils down to the fact that the year has not been entirely rosy but we give thanks still.  I keep realising by the day that discoveries would be made daily and there is no stop to occurrences in life. Friends will leave, lovers will give up on you, passers by would criticise and people who  barely know you would judge.  In the midst of this all, just stay true to yourself and be steady in  your faith. Have plenty belief in your self and be very prayerful. It gets better.

I attended plenty owambes tthis year, my friends took the marriage Institution by storm and I was excited to be a part of it. Shout out to ya all, May the marriages be blessed!. My sister also started her makeup business which she has always wanted and you know, yours truly is the stand by Model!. Other successes recorded would be left unannounced for security reasons. Lol. As I see it, there were lows and there were more lows. Positives were also recorded and when I weigh it, the high sides outweighed the not so cool sides. What I gained was way more than what I lost. See? It will be beautiful. . Feel free to take a look at some parts of my picture gallery. Note: The smile never went, through all odds!

This piece is also to make people that feel I always have it easy to know that,It isn’t exactly that way, I have just learnt to smile through stuff because it always gets better.  We are all in this ‘human’ thing together.   I have learnt that : WE PLAN, AND GOD PLANS AND WHO IS THE BEST OF PLANNERS? GOD!  I am going into the new year with a very positive mindset and Im hopeful that by the end of 2015,  I would have a more robust and success filled reveiew for ya all. I pray for my readers and people around me, May we be happy, may we be very happy, may we be very very very happy. Happy new year soon  and don’t forget to wish me a happy birthday on the 4^th of January. Btw, tell someone you love them today, study shows that it eases stress. I LOVE YOU. I’m out. BOS

The perks of being an "unmarried" lady

Hey bunnies. I got here again, crawling like a snail but with the inner speed of a hare. I'm sorry I promised you guys I would get more consistent, but Errm, I have an explanation which I would give you later.

My post today is based on something that has been dancing through the corridors of my mind, no thanks to the society in which I find myself and the numerous acquaintances I surround myself with. I had decided to pen something about the issue but being the lazy girl I am, I took to stalling. However, some posts by a certain celebrity then fueled my determination to get this over with and here we are.

It is basically about Marriage and how it is considered to be the peak of a woman's life. It is about getting hooked to a man and how it is thought to be the highest achievement a woman could get. It is about leaving spinsterhood and how society views it as the only feat a woman would attain that would make her the 'ideal woman'. How all the success stories a woman could record would come to Nay if she does not answer to a man's name. Gross, isn't it?

Okay, this is where I need to point out the fact that Marriage is a good institution, I mean, for a person like me, it is a most beloved Institution in my creator's sight and It is enjoined to all and sundry. But not one time in the holy book have I seen where it is written that a person should be forcefully moved into an alliance that might mar her future and aspirations. The society, which comprises of we humans and the other ones have made it so mandatory to have to get married before one can have a say in anything that goes on. Why?

This is my thought on this. I do believe that when a lady decides it's time for her to get married, let her do so. In the other line, if a lady is doing well for herself and isn't married due to reasons known to her, LET HER BREATHE. Before you hound that beautiful lady that has it going good for her about marriage today. Pause and think of these possible reasons. What If she's trying not to rush into something and just taking it cool? What if she has had a truckload of heartbreak and just finding it hard to be committed? What if she is actually in a relationship but her spouse and herself have what they seek to achieve before they tie it? What if her priorities differ from yours and marrige is not just so close as it is to you? What if she s very prayerful and she s just listening to the results of her prayers by being careful? Loads of these should prick you and mute you before you put that lady in a seemingly uncomfortable situation by asking the obvious questions?

According to Chimamanda and Beyonce in their song titled 'Flawless' : 'why must a young girl only aspire to get married'. I mean, why must the only ambition a lady has be to go and end up in her husband's kitchen? I think we all need to take a pause and realise that too many homes are being wrecked all because the couples involved were not ready for the huge responsibility a marriage is. We live in a society that condemns a lady for getting too old and unmarried and likewise condemns her if her marriage is not working and heading towards divorce. They go further to condemn her if her husband turns out not up to their set standards and chastize her for marrying him in the first place. A good example is that of a female celebrity I don't intend to mention who had a huge wedding probably because the society dictated the tunes to her about being old and unmarried and now can barely publicly associate with her 'husband'. And the same society must be calling her names right now, hounding her about marrying someone who they think isn't fit for her. Aren't these triple standards?

I don't want to be misquoted or considered as a marriage allergic person. No i'm not, if you know me so well, you would know I love marriages and show love to my friends when they walk down the aisle with their beloveds. I also intend to get married too by the almighty's grace. I just need people to cut down on the stigmatisation and name calling of those ladies they tag 'too old for marriage'. Leave these ladies be, allow them to do their thing and make their decisions at the time they want it. Cut them plenty slack, allow them to do their thing, don't be such a relayer of insultive utterances, It does no good to the parties involved.

It's okay when you ask your friends what's happening with their love lives and if they have a good relationship going on, but can you let it stop at that? Don't continously hound them about getting married, I mean, when they are ready to marry, they would let you know, why not wait for it? I do not intend to step on anybody's shoes and this is not a direct hit at anybody in particular, it's just my own opinion about what exactly is the order of the day. Let the engaged ladies get married, let the single ones be calm about the whole thing and theirs will happen in due time. Let no body pressurise anyone into getting married. Let no one pass derogatory remarks at another person because the person is unmarried. Let no one do that!

You go to school, work your ass out just to come out well and then the next question is : when are you getting married?'. Why not try something like : When and how are you getting a job? What do you intend to do with your life next? How can I help you to set your plans into motion? How can I be a great help to the achievement of your plans? Amongst other things? .. Please it's 2014. Let's endeavour to be more subtle In our ways and not necessarily want to insult the other person because she is not being molded according to the society. Remember, we all have our storms.!

Just as an aside, Congratulations to all the married people, shout out to ya all holding it down and making the institution what it is meant to be, a beautiful one! And if you are getting married soon, do holla at a sister, I love love love attending weddings, If I can afford it, I'd even rock your aso ebi and pray for a successful marriage for you. Because according to BellaNaija, most people plan for the wedding more than the marriage. I do wish everyone well and hopefully, when the almighty wills, you would be invited for mine too. Btw, when is considered 'too old for marriage'? Let's discuss! BOS

A Meaningful Story

I'm here again. Getting consistent right? *does the victory dance*. I came across this story on Instagram and I thought to share it with you guys. I was very inspired and touched and I learnt some important things which I hope you all would get too. The story goes thus:

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- -A Man Named Rashed (Extremely Heart-Softening! )- -

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This is a true story about a man named Rashed.

He tells his story as follows…

I was not more than thirty years old when my wife

gave birth to my first child. I still remember that

night.

I had stayed out all night long with my friends, as

was my habit. It was a night filled with useless

talk, and worse, with backbiting, gossiping, and

making fun of people. I was mostly the one who

made people laugh; I would mock others and my

friends would laugh and laugh. I remember on that

night that I’d made them laugh a lot. I had an

amazing ability to imitate others – I could change

the sound of my voice until I sounded exactly like

the person I was mocking. No one was safe from

my biting mockery, even my friends; some people

started avoiding me just to be safe from my

tongue. I remember on that night, I had made fun

of a blind man who I’d seen begging in the market.

What was worse, I had put my foot out in front

him – he tripped and fell, and started turning his

head around, not knowing what to say.

I went back to my house, late as usual, and I

found my wife waiting for me. She was in a terrible

state, and said in a quivering voice, “Rashed…

where were you?”

“Where would I be, on Mars?” I said sarcastically,

“With my friends of course.”

She was visibly exhausted, and holding back tears,

she said, “Rashed, I’m so tired. It seems the baby

is going to come soon.” A silent tear fell on her

cheek.

I felt that I had neglected my wife. I should have

taken care of her and not stayed out so much all

those nights… especially since she was in her ninth

month. I quickly took her to the hospital; she went

into the delivery room, and suffered through long

hours of pain.

I waited patiently for her to give birth… but her

delivery was difficult, and I waited a long time until

I got tired. So I went home and left my phone

number with the hospital so they could call with

the good news. An hour later, they called me to

congratulate me on the birth of Salem. I went to

the hospital immediately. As soon as they saw me,

they asked me to go see the doctor who had

overlooked my wife’s delivery.

“What doctor?” I cried out, “I just want to see my

son Salem!”

“First go see the doctor,” they said.

I went to the doctor, and she started talking to me

about trials, and about being satisfied with Allah’s

decree. Then she said, “Your son has a serious

deformity in his eyes, and it seems that he has no

vision.” I lowered my head while I fought back

tears… I remembered that blind man begging in the

market who I’d tripped and made others laugh at.

Subhan Allah, you get what you give! I stayed

brooding quietly for a while… I didn’t know what to

say. Then I remembered by wife and son. I thanked

the doctor for her kindness, and went to go see my

wife. My wife wasn’t sad. She believed in the

decree of Allah… she was content… How often had

she advised me to stop mocking people! “Don’t

backbite people,” she always used to repeat… We

left the hospital, and Salem came with us.

In reality, I didn’t pay much attention to him. I

pretended that he wasn’t in the house with us.

When he started crying loudly, I’d escape to the

living room to sleep there. My wife took good care

of him, and loved him a lot. As for myself, I didn’t

hate him, but I couldn’t love him either.

Salem grew. He started to crawl, and had a

strange way of crawling. When he was almost one

year old, he started trying to walk, and we

discovered that he was crippled. I felt like he was

an even greater burden on me. After him, my wife

gave birth to Umar and Khaled. The years passed,

and Salem grew, and his brothers grew. I never

liked to sit at home, I was always out with my

friends… in reality, I was like a plaything at their

disposal [entertaining them whenever they

wanted].

My wife never gave up on my reform. She always

made du’aa for my guidance. She never got angry

with my reckless behavior, but she would get really

sad if she saw me neglecting Salem and paying

attention to the rest of his brothers. Salem grew,

and my worries grew with him. I didn’t mind when

my wife asked to enroll him in a special school for

the handicapped.

I didn’t really feel the passing of the years. My

days were all the same. Work and sleep and food

and staying out with friends. One Friday, I woke up

at 11 am. This was early for me. I was invited to a

gathering, so I got dressed and perfumed, and was

about to go out. I passed by our living room, and

was startled by the sight of Salem – he was

sobbing! This was the first time I had noticed

Salem crying since he was a baby. Ten years had

passed, and I hadn’t paid attention to him. I tried

to ignore him now, but I couldn’t take it… I heard

him calling out to his mother while I was in the

room. I turned towards him, and went closer.

“Salem! Why are you crying?” I asked.

When he heard my voice, he stopped crying. Then

when he realized how close I was, he started

feeling around him with his small hands. What was

wrong with him? I discovered that he was trying to

move away from me! It was as if he was saying,

“Now, you’ve decided to notice me? Where have

you been for the last ten years?” I followed him…

he had gone into his room. At first, he refused to

tell me why he’d been crying. I tried to be gentle

with him… Salem started to tell me why he’d been

crying, while I listened and trembled.

Do you know what the reason was?! His brother

Umar, the one who used to take him to the masjid,

was late. And because it was Jumu’ah prayer,

Salem was afraid he wouldn’t find a place in the

first row. He called out to Umar… and he called out

to his mother… but nobody answered, so he cried.

I sat there looking at the tears flowing from his

blind eyes. I couldn’t bear the rest of his words. I

put my hand over his mouth and said, “Is this why

you were crying, Salem!”

“Yes,” he said.

I forgot about my friends, I forgot about the

gathering, and I said, “Don’t be sad, Salem. Do you

know who’s going to take you to the masjid

today?”

“Umar, of course,” he said, “… but he’s always

late.”

“No,” I said, “I’m going to take you.”

Salem was shocked… he couldn’t believe it. He

thought I was mocking him. His tears came and he

started crying. I wiped his tears with my hand and

then took hold of his hand. I wanted to take him to

the masjid by car. He refused and said, “The

masjid is near… I want to walk there.” Yes, by

Allah, he said this to me.

I couldn’t remember when the last time I had

entered the masjid was, but it was the first time I

felt fear and regret for what I’d neglected in the

long years that had passed. The masjid was filled

with worshippers, but I still found a place for

Salem in the first row. We listened to the Jumu’ah

khutbah together, and he prayed next to me. But

really, I was the one praying next to him.

After the prayer, Salem asked me for a musHaf. I

was surprised! How was he going to read when he

was blind? I almost ignored his request, but I

decided to humor him out of fear of hurting his

feelings. I passed him a musHaf. He asked me to

open the musHaf to Surat al-Kahf. I started

flipping through the pages and looking through the

index until I found it. He took the musHaf from me,

put it in front of him, and started reading the

Surah… with his eyes closed… ya Allah! He had the

whole Surah memorized.

I was ashamed of myself. I picked up a musHaf… I

felt my limbs tremble… I read and I read. I asked

Allah to forgive me and to guide me. I couldn’t

take it… I started crying like a child. There were

still some people in the masjid praying sunnah… I

was embarrassed by their presence, so I tried to

hold my tears. My crying turned into whimpering

and long, sobbing breaths. The only thing I felt

was a small hand reaching out to my face, and

then wiping the tears away. It was Salem! I pulled

him to my chest… I looked at him. I said to

myself… you’re not the blind one, but I am, for

having drifted after immoral people who were

pulling me to hellfire. We went back home. My wife

was extremely worried about Salem, but her worry

turned into tears [of joy] when she found out I had

prayed Jumu’ah with Salem.

From that day on, I never missed the

congregational prayer in the masjid. I left my bad

friends… and I made righteous friends among

people I met at the masjid. I tasted the sweetness

of iman with them. I learned things from them that

distracted me from this world. I never missed out

on gatherings of remembrance [halaqas], or on the

witr prayer. I recited the entire Qur’an, several

times, in one month. I moistened my tongue with

the remembrance of Allah, that He might forgive

my backbiting and mocking of the people. I felt

closer to my family. The looks of fear and pity that

had occupied my wife’s eyes disappeared. A smile

now never parted from the face of my son Salem.

Anyone who saw him would have felt that he

owned the world and everything in it. I praised and

thanked Allah a lot for His blessings.

One day, my righteous friends decided to go to a

far away location for da’wah. I hesitated about

going. I prayed istikharah, and consulted with my

wife. I thought she would refuse… but the opposite

happened! She was extremely happy, and even

encouraged me… because in the past, she had seen

me traveling without consulting her, for the

purpose of sin and evil. I went to Salem, and told

him I would be traveling. With tears, he wrapped

me up in his small arms…

I was away from home for three and a half

months. In that period, whenever I got a chance, I

called my wife and talked to my children. I missed

them so much… and oh, how I missed Salem! I

wanted to hear his voice… he was the only one

who hadn’t talked to me since I’d traveled. He was

either at school or at the masjid whenever I called

them.

Whenever I would tell my wife how much I missed

him, she would laugh happily, joyfully, except for

the last time I called her. I didn’t hear her

expected laugh. Her voice changed. I said to her,

“Give my salam to Salem,” and she said,

“Insha’Allah,” and was quiet.

At last, I went back home. I knocked on the door. I

hoped that it was Salem who would open up for

me, but was surprised to find my son Khaled, who

was not more than four years old. I picked him up

in my arms while he squealed, “Baba! Baba!” I

don’t know why my heart tensed when I entered

the house.

I sought refuge in Allah from the accursed

shaytan… I approached my wife… her face was

different. As if she was pretending to be happy. I

inspected her closely then said, “What’s wrong

with you?” “Nothing,” she said. Suddenly, I

remembered Salem. “Where’s Salem?” I asked. She

lowered her head. She didn’t answer. Hot tears fell

on her cheeks.

“Salem! Where’s Salem?” I cried out.

At that moment, I only heard the sound of my son

Khaled talking in his own way, saying, “Baba…

Thalem went to pawadise… with Allah…”

My wife couldn’t take it. She broke down crying.

She almost fell to the floor, and left the room.

Later, I found out that Salem had contracted a

fever two weeks before I’d returned, so my wife

took him to the hospital… the fever got more and

more severe, and didn’t leave him… until his soul

left his body…

And if this earth closes in on you in spite of its

vastness, and your soul closes is on you because

of what it’s carrying… call out, “Oh Allah!” If

solutions run out, and paths are constricted, and

ropes are cut off, and your hopes are no more…

call out, “Oh Allah.” Allah wished to guide Salem’s

father on the hands of Salem, before Salem’s

death. How merciful is Allah!

Courtesy : @muslimspouses on Instagram

I sincerely hope you have learnt a thing or two from this story. Irrespective of your religion, I think the main intent of the story is to enjoin us to as much as possible reduce or stop the vices we engage in and create a very strong relationship with our God. We should also try as possible not to mock others or feel we are above them because of an obvious deformity. I tagged it obvious deformity because I believe we all have deformities and some of us might think ourselves lucky because our deformities are hidden. It should then not be an avenue to make others feel less of themselves because they don't have particular abilities we take for granted. This is a reminder to everyone, myself inclusive that we should be more mindful of how we talk and act around others. Think, Reflect, Act.

I'll be back. BOS

Making the Hard Decision

Hello People! I'm here again. I finally got a reason for my inconsistent posts. It's due to the fact that I don't always want to bore you with all the drama that go on in this big head of mine to avoid confusion. I also try hard not to do 'cliche' topics and hence I search all around the world for accurate or almost accurate topics to be discussed. Errrm, those reasons are just a cover up for my laziness. I'm sorry.

To the matter at hand, sometime ago, a friend called me and amidst tears told me how horrible she was feeling and how she did not know if she could survive much longer. I was really scared and I asked her what the unpleasant issue was. She then went further to explain to me how she had been dating a certain guy for three years only for her to find out recently that they were both of the 'AS' genotype.

I asked her why she ddnt find out earlier and she told me her mum always told her she was 'AA' and she told this guy before they started the relationship because he was keen on knowing about it since he knew his own and he couldn't afford to engage in any risk. So, three years down the line, my friend and her bf were planning to get legal and they had to run many tests in lieu of their intended solemnization. It was at this point they found out the female isn't 'AA' as she thought.

We don't know if the fault is with her parents or whoever told her parents she was what she isn't. I was very very sad for this friend of mine because I could barely wrap my mind around such a situation. I hear of many issues like this but it never really dawned on me, it took happening to a close friend to decipher how terrible this constant issue is. My friend was in tears and i could barely contain mine. She kept lamenting and chastising herself for not being doubly sure. But who would blame her? She believed what she was made to believe and that shouldn't be her fault in any way, should it?

I've been hearing instances of people finding out too late about their incompatibilities with their spouses of many years and this saddens my soul. I sometimes say a silent prayer for God to make there be a permanent solution for issues like this and I don't even know how realistic it could be. One can't ignore this huge 'hold back' and decide to go ahead with a marriage to someone whose genotype isn't compatible with ones and risk great chances of having a sour marriage because of unhealthy kids who might later in the future regret ever coming to the world. (I'm sorry if that sounded too deep').

My take on this whole thing is that we should all please visit a reliable hospital around and be very sure of our genotypes before embarking on certain life changing issues. Yes, I know our parents have told us this is what we are and some of us might even have the proof but still, let's find our ourselves and not risk going through something we could have avoided. I have lost friends who suffered from the sickle cell situation and even before their death, it was far from pleasant with their health. This is very sad, considering the fact that it could have been avoided.

Yes, I know this is the part where someone would say God would do it and perfect all things. Yes, I know how spiritual and religious we can get when it comes to everything we deal with and I would never commit no blasphemy by saying it is impossible. I just think God would rather lead you to where you would find out what to do and what not to do, why not stick more to that? I don't know, but it's just sad when you hear constant issues of couples going through hell because of their unhealthy children. You wouldn't understand if you haven't gone through it.

The post is getting too long today right? Oops i'm sorry. In conclusion, my candid advice to you is to find out what your genotype is and pls don't go into anything without being sure of the other person's own. When you find out you can't be compatible with the awesome guy you've always dreamt of marrying, please let it go no matter how hard it seems, You would be glad you did. Don't be part of those who say: Love conquers all'. No my dear, not in this instance. Don't find out in the hard way that love is never enough. Don't be a reason for your future child's agony, There are many issues to contend with in a marriage already. Don't allow the avoidable ones.

I know it's hard. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. Please do the right thing. I'll be back. BOS

My fault or not

It is neither by my might or grace, the lord almighty sent me a guy so amazing

I saw him and knew he was the one for me. My pastor saw us and said I had met my rib. No going back

The gifts came in bundles. The care and attention were unrivaled. I was bathing in the euphoria of being loved.

He liked us being together all the time. He never wanted me out of his sight. Oh this love!

My man showed up at the oddest times. When I least expected. With wonderful suprises. Who could do it better?

All the girls were jealous of me? They couldn't hide their anger. Oh lordy lord! I'd be grateful to you now and always. Thanks for sending this packaged gift in the form of a handsome man my way.

We did everything together, we rubbed minds and bodies. Nothing was left behind in our amazing journey towards being together forever. This dream'd better not end!

The first time he slapped me, it was due to my own carelessness and nosy attitude. Why was I trying to snoop through his phone?

He apologised and took me out to dinner. It was one of the most wonderful nights ever. Followed by a passionate bout of love making you don't wanna know about.

The love between my man and I couldn't be surpassed by any other. The slaps and random spanks came more frequently. But I caused them, I deserved them.

We got engaged and were married before I knew it. I left my job at my husband's command. After all, he could pay me twice the amount the job offered.

The night he got drunk, I accused him of being irresponsible and he beat me with his belt so much that there was blood everywhere. I was so sorry, my husband only got drunk because he was stressed, why did I provoke him to anger?

By midnight, he was apologising and giving me promises of the world. What an amazing lover! Apologising for my own wrong doings? I'm wowed.

The woman next door came around someday to tell me she hears my screams and yells and I shld report to the nearest police station. I ushered her out. She was only jealous. Her man wasn't half what my man was.

Pregnancies came and went like lightening. The regular beatings my husband gave me wouldn't let them stay. Not his fault still, why was I being less of a woman by not holding a pregnancy still.

It is seven years now, there has been a baby, a cute baby. Just as adorable as my man. It was fine. Until he ran her over with his car on the day he rushed home to confront me with accusations of infidelity because I wasn't picking up my phone.

The baby is gone, buried without anyone knowing the true story. I couldn't afford to be blamed because truly I was guilty. Why would I not pick my husband's call when he needed to talk to me? Ah!

My husband's constant beatings stopped for a while and then resumed on the day he saw my car at the hospital without me giving him prior notice I was going there. Hubby, i'm sorry, I wasn't feeling too well, I should have called u earlier so I deserve this punishment.

Sometimes, a voice whispers that I shld leave but I can't, where would I go to? Who would be as wonderful as this man? After all, my pastor said he is the one. Be gone to hell, you terrible voice of doom!

The doctor says there is a problem with me. A terminal disease coupled with depression. I can't tell anyone, not my loving husband. What right did I have to have a disease and want to leave him in the world?

So here I am, being the loving wife, accepting my husband's punishment constantly and praying I don't leave him soon. I love my husband. He is the best. He treats me well and doesn't joke with me. The punishments are just a means of righting my wrongs and I deserve them. Don't I?.....

 

The above writeup is basically to express what so many women go through in their matrimonial homes and even before marriage. I saw a movie sometime back titled 'unforgivable' and I couldn't stop myself from weeping. Also, a woman at my mum's workplace got killed by her husband after she had been going through series of beatings and ignored people's advise to leave.

When did domestic violence get this bad? Women die everyday from constant pounding by their husbands and most are too scared too leave. What do you think about domestic violence? Have u had any experience of it? What is the major cause of this violence? Does anyone deserve to be beaten by his/her spouse? What could be done to stop this? Let's discuss... BOS

 

 

20RandomThingsaboutMe

I know i'm the most inconsistent blogger ya all have ever come across. Yes yes, I won't even defend myself or anything. But i'd just present you with the fact that i've been neck deep in my MA thesis and to say it isn't what I bargained for is an understatement. Don't let nobody lie to you, getting any kind of degree in a Nigerian University is as hard as anything u wanna think of. I can't begin to think about the stress i've been going through. I could start crying. Lol. This coupled with the inbuilt laziness I have can be blamed for my absence from this place that should be my succour whenever I have things to pour, issues to baare outta my soul, opinions to impose on you guys. (Another LOL?).

Okay, this post is inspired by my very beautiful girlfriend, Eniola Adeboye. I have to confess she has been such a great inspiration for me as she finds time out of her busy schedule to drop one thing or two for her readers everyday. Wow. that's some feat, the very busy people would understand what I mean. She made a post about twenty random things about her and passed the baton to me to do the same which is what this post is all about. So sit down, relax and get to know OmoTolani a wee bit better. Random things about me? Ok you should know.

1. I love singing. I love to imagine myself as a very great singer who the world would rever for her singing prowess. Dreams, yh.

2. I get scared easily. Beneath the facade of being the very strong girl I put up, little things like a cockroach's sound scare the hell outta me.

3.I once lost a friend to food poisoning. I haven't and might never get over it.

4. I sleep the most during the daytime. Night sleep isn't my thing. I could stay up all night and then spend the better part of the day sleeping. My friends say i'm weird. No?

5. I love trying new things. Meeting new people. Participating in new activities. My curiosity is epic.

6. I cry a alot. Yes, from being alone in my room thinking of stuff to getting pissed about what people do to trying to pass a message across to someone who doesn't care to listen, the tears flow freely.

7. I'm not as thick skinned as everybody thinks I am. I'm very very vulnerable especially when it comes to matters of the heart. My very close friends know this, I guess.

8.I love 2faceIdibia. He's cute and very talented. But no, because, Annie!

9.My mum is a nurse. A chief Nursing Officer at the University College Hospital, Ibadan.

10. My middle name is Zulaykha but I don't tell people because they all call it 'Suliyat'. You know why!

11. I love Latoun

12.I secretly wish to be a model, doing the runways, glamour pages and all that. But I can't, because. Nudity.

13. I tell my mother everything. From books to friends to boyfriends to emotional entanglements to everything and nothing. She knows!

14.I once turned down a marriage proposal. Not the ' go down on one knee with a ring presented kinda proposal' but a proposal still!

15. I don't know how to hold grudges for long, I could initially act like everything has gone sour but with time, I always come around. Always!

16. I say many things that might not be accepted well by the other party and sometimes I feel terrible about it. My bluntness could be very rude.

17. I'm from Ibadan. I was born and bred here and I wouldn't mind settling down here. The serenity here is appealing.

18.I love orderliness but keeping it could sometimes be a bore.

19. I'm eating beans at the moment. Beans and corn that mum brought to the hostel for me. So delicious.

20. I need your prayers.

I hope I ddnt bore you with my randoms. I really do hope so. I don't have anyone in mind to pass this to, so dear readers, if u r interested In sharing 20 random things about you, do tag along and share with us. Thanks for reading... BOS

When dreams Come True

'Aeroplane, Father Aeroplane, I want to be a doctor, Aeroplane'.... For those of us that grew up in certain parts of Nigeria, what I just wrote is not something new. Yes, we all wanted to be 'a doctor' at one time or the other. Probably due to how we met the rules and songs till we got grown and discovered our different paths in life. It still seems very funny to me when I remember those dreams we used to have. Lol How do we all become doctors?

Okay, I'm sorry for the Intro. The real reason behind this write up is to make everyone know how proud I am of a very special friend of mine, Olajumoke ogundeji. Her covocation is today, 18th June, 2014 and I can't but think of how it all started. I am so happy for my friend and the excitement I feel right now would have you feeling it's my convocation. Yes, I cherish her that much.

Olajumoke came to my high school in Senior Secondary School 1 or 2, I can't remember cleary. She was this very beautiful girl and was too quiet (or so I thought). To everyone, she was just the 'new student' and the members of the C' class which comprised of the very brilliant students did not want her to be put with them, as they assumed she wasn't up to the task.Shortly after she came, we had our mid term exams and alas, Olajumoke was the overall best student.. It was no small feat, so many of us were awed by her performance and I decided there and then to get her acquaintance. I was known to be the very outspoken student and It came naturally to me to befriend students who stood out with their intelligence and brilliance.Olajumoke became the overall best student and she didn't relent till we left high school.

We weren't exactly very close till our final high school days when people started discovering some resemblance in us. Another pathway to our closeness was our prefectship which compelled us to engage in meetings to discuss how the school activities would be run. She was the Senior girl while I was the social prefect. She would come to my house on her way to her church which was close by and we discovered many similarities between ourselves, the differences were there but they were things we could deal with. I was very happy about this new found friendship with the best student in the science class. ( Let me be a proud little girl by saying I was the best in Arts class).ooops.sorry!

We graduated and of course, Jumoke had the best WAEC result ( As and Bs). I was so happy about this because we both went to check our results together and mine wasn't bad either. We were very very happy. Oh yes, We were glad that our dreams of going to the university were being droven into reality. I went to Unilorin while Olajumoke was given admission to Ladoke University of Technology (LAUTECH) to study Mathematics. This wasn't exactly accepted with gaiety as she always wanted to study Medicine but she decided to make do with it instead of staying idle.

While In Ilorin, I would go visit Jumoke and her friends would tell me about her brilliance. Already, my friend was the star in her class. Her results were something to smile about. In her 3rd Year, She told me someday: OmoTolani, I'm travelling out of the country to study medicine because that's all I've ever wanted. I was happy and sad at the same time. I was happy because she was finally pursuing her dreams and I was sad because I would really miss her. She left for Sumy state University in Ukraine and our communication was reduced from physical to phones and chatrooms.

We would exchange pictures and update each other of the happenings in our lives. ( From family to relationships to every other thing you could think of). We didn't let the distance disturb our friendship and we remained best friends. Jummy came home after her 3rd year and you should know we were together all through. She bought me the shoes I wore for my convocation that year and I told that to everyone who admired the shoes. Even after all the 'foreign exposure' , my friend was unblemished. She was still the beautiful, natural and kind Olajumoke I had always known. My mum' friend saw her sometime and said : 'that girl is such a blessing to her parents'. Yes, Olajumoke carried that aura around her. I'm too happy she's my friend.

She left after Summer and we continued with the phonecalls and chats. Now, Olajumoke is graduating today, Yes! She is a medical doctor. She is a doctor! You know what that means? She is Doctor Olajumoke. My friend, my love, my confidant. She has done me proud again. This is what she does, this is what she has made us used to. She is amazing, wonderful, beautiful, intelligent and awesome! Hello people, respect me, my friend is a medical doctor ☺ . Call me OmoTolani the doctor's friend. I can't be in Ukraine today so I thought of how best to show her how much I cherish her, Hence this post. May Allah guide my Olajumoke home and make her very successful. May she continue making us proud and may she be granted a long and healthy life.

These prayers extend to you my readers too. May we always have reasons to celebrate with one another. Amin.I'm sorry if I bored you but this is to show I excited I am.Btw, I've been told by many people we look very much alike. Hmnnn, Do you think we do? Do let me know through your comments. Thanks for reading. I love you... BOS