The Journey

I’m about to bombard you with a little too much detail about myself. I stuck to writing about other people and things throughout the year because i didn’t want to put my narcissistic self to work. But then , It’s the en d of the year already and we are starting a new year in different ways all over  the world, so  I decided to indulge myself a little, crave ya all’s indulgence too and give you a ‘summarised summary’ of how my 2014 went. Thanks for reading. I begin.

2013 ended well, to an extent. I had my first degree and NYSC certificate on ground, I had commenced my MA programme at a renowned University, I had beautiful friends around me, Family stayed  100 and I had a partner in whom I assumed I had gotten ‘the one’ . everything seemed so rosy and I sometimes used to want to pinch myself just to be sure It was real life and these yummy things were really happening to me. Indeed, they were and I was very grateful to my creator and all those who made that possible. The New year came in with promises of beautiful things and I could only hope not to be too overwhelmed by them. Alhamdulilah

January came and I had my birthday as an almost totally fulfilled young lady.What more could I want? The gift of life and its beautiful attachments were enough for me to dance all day, I had friends who were encouraging me and telling me they were indeed proud of how I was living my life. ( sure there were those who had only negative things to insinuate but they don’t really matter so we d keep them that way).   I resumed seond semester in  school  and we were all eager for it to come to an end ( the 6 month ASUU strike had delayed things enough already ).  Things still went well and the only time I shook a little was when a particular course was proving to be too much than i bargained for. ( lol my colleagues understand this ). Alhamdulilah

In February, I was on my way home when my sister called to tell me about an accident that had claimed the lives of a girl we knew, her brother, her brother’s wife and their kid, while coming back from  the girl’s school where she was picked after her final exams. Ah! I could not comprehend this, what would her parents be thinking of?  How would they feel? I cried all the way home and people were just staring at me in the cab. It was a painful period and I still cringe at the thought of it. I kept praying to the lord to grant their parents peace.

Fast forward to March, my ‘used to be awesome’ relationship crumbled and at first it seemed almost impossible.  This totally shook me and I practically went off social media, reason being that facing the world was too difficult. Alas, I came to terms with myself and came back online to deal with the inevitable. The questions came in and i gave them honest answers, oh yh I need to chip in that friends were awesome and they tried so well to make me feel good, I was amazed. It wasn’t as hard as I thought and I dusted my little behind to continue my journey through life as the ever cheerful lady everybody had grown accustomed to.  Alhamdulilah

School work didn’t recognise my ‘relationship issues’ and hence, it hit me straight in the face, reminding me I had so much to do and I would not want to regret that period of my life by drooling for long. It got easier by the day and I added that to my book of many life lessons ( Needless to say that  It is a really bulky book ).  One day, I woke up to the news that a friend had died through an accident.  Again?It was a totally dark day for me, I could only pray to Allah for the repose of her soul. It waa a totally shocking incident but how does one start to question one’s creator who takes and gives lives as he takes.  I could only cry to him to stop these tragic occurrences. Amin amin Amin.

Well, the semester ended and then came the project semester.  I started of lazy and then It came as news to us that we had a deadline, If we intended to convoke the same year. We had barely three months to submit a perfectly done project which should have taken six months or more.  We never hexperredit! Alhamdulilah.  It was so hard to think about because things were not looking encouraging at all as i intended to do a really concise work and not just rush things over. I kept praying to God to make things easier for me as it was obvious I could do nothing without him.

On a particular day, I was talking to my mum over the phone, in tears. I told her I wasn’t sure i could do it and I might have to carry it over to the next year. Mum calmly said ‘No, you will meet the deadline and all the requirements, I know you can do it’. That was all the push I needed.  The enrgy surged from nowhere and then the good lord sent some amazing and intelligent friends my way, to help. This coupled with having an awesome supervisor contributed to me meeting up with the deadline and alhamdulillah, I submitted and defended first!

After crossing this big hurdle, then came the news that we weren’t actually convoking and we still had to wait till the next year. Waaaaaat?  What was all the stress for? It was totally disappointing but our hands were tied as regards this. I just believed that this also had a reason, just as Ive grown to know that god always has a reason for every occurrence in a human’s life.  Days rolled by and the convocation schedule came out for those that would convoke. I really wished we were part of this but all we could do was wish. Yhen a colleague of mine buzzed about a week before the convocation day and said we were really gonna convoke. Yaaaaaaaaaaa, I couldn’t contain my excitement, Alhamdulilah again.

 Convocation came and I was the happiest girl. Lol. I understand what i mean by this. It wasn’t in any way easy but with God they say, seemingly impossible things happen. . Days been running by and this is December.   I still have so much to write but i know the boredom i already getting out of hand. Lol. It only boils down to the fact that the year has not been entirely rosy but we give thanks still.  I keep realising by the day that discoveries would be made daily and there is no stop to occurrences in life. Friends will leave, lovers will give up on you, passers by would criticise and people who  barely know you would judge.  In the midst of this all, just stay true to yourself and be steady in  your faith. Have plenty belief in your self and be very prayerful. It gets better.

I attended plenty owambes tthis year, my friends took the marriage Institution by storm and I was excited to be a part of it. Shout out to ya all, May the marriages be blessed!. My sister also started her makeup business which she has always wanted and you know, yours truly is the stand by Model!. Other successes recorded would be left unannounced for security reasons. Lol. As I see it, there were lows and there were more lows. Positives were also recorded and when I weigh it, the high sides outweighed the not so cool sides. What I gained was way more than what I lost. See? It will be beautiful. . Feel free to take a look at some parts of my picture gallery. Note: The smile never went, through all odds!

This piece is also to make people that feel I always have it easy to know that,It isn’t exactly that way, I have just learnt to smile through stuff because it always gets better.  We are all in this ‘human’ thing together.   I have learnt that : WE PLAN, AND GOD PLANS AND WHO IS THE BEST OF PLANNERS? GOD!  I am going into the new year with a very positive mindset and Im hopeful that by the end of 2015,  I would have a more robust and success filled reveiew for ya all. I pray for my readers and people around me, May we be happy, may we be very happy, may we be very very very happy. Happy new year soon  and don’t forget to wish me a happy birthday on the 4^th of January. Btw, tell someone you love them today, study shows that it eases stress. I LOVE YOU. I’m out. BOS

The perks of being an "unmarried" lady

Hey bunnies. I got here again, crawling like a snail but with the inner speed of a hare. I'm sorry I promised you guys I would get more consistent, but Errm, I have an explanation which I would give you later.

My post today is based on something that has been dancing through the corridors of my mind, no thanks to the society in which I find myself and the numerous acquaintances I surround myself with. I had decided to pen something about the issue but being the lazy girl I am, I took to stalling. However, some posts by a certain celebrity then fueled my determination to get this over with and here we are.

It is basically about Marriage and how it is considered to be the peak of a woman's life. It is about getting hooked to a man and how it is thought to be the highest achievement a woman could get. It is about leaving spinsterhood and how society views it as the only feat a woman would attain that would make her the 'ideal woman'. How all the success stories a woman could record would come to Nay if she does not answer to a man's name. Gross, isn't it?

Okay, this is where I need to point out the fact that Marriage is a good institution, I mean, for a person like me, it is a most beloved Institution in my creator's sight and It is enjoined to all and sundry. But not one time in the holy book have I seen where it is written that a person should be forcefully moved into an alliance that might mar her future and aspirations. The society, which comprises of we humans and the other ones have made it so mandatory to have to get married before one can have a say in anything that goes on. Why?

This is my thought on this. I do believe that when a lady decides it's time for her to get married, let her do so. In the other line, if a lady is doing well for herself and isn't married due to reasons known to her, LET HER BREATHE. Before you hound that beautiful lady that has it going good for her about marriage today. Pause and think of these possible reasons. What If she's trying not to rush into something and just taking it cool? What if she has had a truckload of heartbreak and just finding it hard to be committed? What if she is actually in a relationship but her spouse and herself have what they seek to achieve before they tie it? What if her priorities differ from yours and marrige is not just so close as it is to you? What if she s very prayerful and she s just listening to the results of her prayers by being careful? Loads of these should prick you and mute you before you put that lady in a seemingly uncomfortable situation by asking the obvious questions?

According to Chimamanda and Beyonce in their song titled 'Flawless' : 'why must a young girl only aspire to get married'. I mean, why must the only ambition a lady has be to go and end up in her husband's kitchen? I think we all need to take a pause and realise that too many homes are being wrecked all because the couples involved were not ready for the huge responsibility a marriage is. We live in a society that condemns a lady for getting too old and unmarried and likewise condemns her if her marriage is not working and heading towards divorce. They go further to condemn her if her husband turns out not up to their set standards and chastize her for marrying him in the first place. A good example is that of a female celebrity I don't intend to mention who had a huge wedding probably because the society dictated the tunes to her about being old and unmarried and now can barely publicly associate with her 'husband'. And the same society must be calling her names right now, hounding her about marrying someone who they think isn't fit for her. Aren't these triple standards?

I don't want to be misquoted or considered as a marriage allergic person. No i'm not, if you know me so well, you would know I love marriages and show love to my friends when they walk down the aisle with their beloveds. I also intend to get married too by the almighty's grace. I just need people to cut down on the stigmatisation and name calling of those ladies they tag 'too old for marriage'. Leave these ladies be, allow them to do their thing and make their decisions at the time they want it. Cut them plenty slack, allow them to do their thing, don't be such a relayer of insultive utterances, It does no good to the parties involved.

It's okay when you ask your friends what's happening with their love lives and if they have a good relationship going on, but can you let it stop at that? Don't continously hound them about getting married, I mean, when they are ready to marry, they would let you know, why not wait for it? I do not intend to step on anybody's shoes and this is not a direct hit at anybody in particular, it's just my own opinion about what exactly is the order of the day. Let the engaged ladies get married, let the single ones be calm about the whole thing and theirs will happen in due time. Let no body pressurise anyone into getting married. Let no one pass derogatory remarks at another person because the person is unmarried. Let no one do that!

You go to school, work your ass out just to come out well and then the next question is : when are you getting married?'. Why not try something like : When and how are you getting a job? What do you intend to do with your life next? How can I help you to set your plans into motion? How can I be a great help to the achievement of your plans? Amongst other things? .. Please it's 2014. Let's endeavour to be more subtle In our ways and not necessarily want to insult the other person because she is not being molded according to the society. Remember, we all have our storms.!

Just as an aside, Congratulations to all the married people, shout out to ya all holding it down and making the institution what it is meant to be, a beautiful one! And if you are getting married soon, do holla at a sister, I love love love attending weddings, If I can afford it, I'd even rock your aso ebi and pray for a successful marriage for you. Because according to BellaNaija, most people plan for the wedding more than the marriage. I do wish everyone well and hopefully, when the almighty wills, you would be invited for mine too. Btw, when is considered 'too old for marriage'? Let's discuss! BOS